Using Self Coaching to Beat Myself Up

Hi – I am noticing I am using self coaching to beat myself up… I have a friend who I want to create some distance between as the friendship has felt one sided for a couple of years now. I’ve come to realize that she doesn’t have the emotional capacity to show interest in me and my life (this is actually a neutral thought ). I want/need this in a friend.

My brain keeps saying things like:
“If you could find things to love about them you wouldn’t feel this way.”
“It’s not them, its your thoughts of resentment that are making you want to pull away. They are just being them.”
“It’s your fault you feel this way because you can’t accept them for how they are.”
“If you were more ‘enlightened’ you could find ways to keep loving them and want to continue the friendship.”

I want to just scream bc I have the above internal dialogue and another part of me really just doesn’t want shitty friends that don’t show up for me anymore.

How do I use self coaching correctly (and not as a tool to beat myself up)?