C- I told friend, J, via text message, the following sentence: “I need time and space to figure out how to handle our friendship knowing you hang out with X person despite how X person treated me…I want friends who have my back.” This a court of law factual-it is a C.
T-I let people be who they are
F- acceptance
A-I don’t (try not to) second guess, I am true to what I want ( friends who are mainly in my corner who don’t send mixed signals) I accept and love myself, I acknowledge what I need in a friendship, I don’t try to control J, I let J be J, I nurture other friendships, I take my power back, I focus on realizing that J doesn’t control my feelings
R friendship changing (ending) isn’t a problem

I want J to be in my corner, I want her to let X person know that she thinks what X person did was mean and brutal. This thought/want-match can be restated by saying I want friends who have my back and are loyal.

I have a manual, too. I think friends should be honest, they should be loyal.

I want to feel ok about wanting loyalty, and I want to feel ok about making it a non-negotiable in a friendship.

I want authentic friends, not friends who say one thing and do another. I want to feel ok about that desire.

Why wouldn’t/shouldn’t I just thought work myself to a place where I know that J’s actions with X person aren’t about me, and “let J be J” and not make her inconsistent statements and behaviors mean something about me? My answer is that I don’t want to. It’s too much work.

thanks!