Situation: I was on the phone with boyfriend. His friend called & said their baby is in hospital. Boyfriend said he would call me back.
A few hours later he didn’t call back so I text to say I’m praying.
A few hours after that I follow up again to see if everything‘s OK and no response.
A few hours later I call with no response.
So I start to think negative thoughts about if everything is ok.
I do a thought download, The model, meditate
In the morning I text again and I get a response. He calls and I ask about the baby and then I share that in times like this a little bit more communication would be helpful.
He gets mad and says that I’m making it all about me and he cannot console me when it’s about this baby.
C: Boyfriend does not call back and gets mad at me for “going dark in my thoughts”
T: I am too much, am I right or wrong?
F: Anxiety & shame
A: I then shame myself, I’m not kind to myself and I overthink, focus on this problem for a long time.
R: We are both frustrated at each other, the baby is not the center of the convo. Repeated pattern of talking about what’s wrong with us.
How through thought work could I have made the situation better or how can I from this point with this model.
I’m in the middle of shame and confusion right now. I think something is wrong with me and also feel it is ok to say my needs but is that selfish at the time.
How does the model and all this help in the middle of a problem. Not retrospectively. Currently I would rather feel love and compassion versus shaming anxiety.