I have a mother who is loving and caring. She doesn’t like it when people don’t demonstrate gratitude, especially by being generous with giving (e.g., money, gifts, etc.).

My husband didn’t come from a family who gives generously and he’s not a person who gives without a special occasion or a reason. I wouldn’t call him stingy but also not the most generous when it comes to giving.

He hates feeling obligated to do things because others expect that of him. I’ve worked to accept that and appreciate where he is coming from. However, my mother doesn’t like that, especially if he gives more to his parents than mine.

She makes faces behind his back and comments that have underlying meanings. The more I engage with her and explain his parents need financial help, the more she wants me to tell him that he also NEEDS TO give to her and my dad because they have done much more for us.

I have done a terrible job navigating that piece of my relationship with her and want to use the model to improve how I think and feel about this but don’t even know how to start. What’s the circumstance in this case? What is actually true besides my perception?