Using the model while parenting little children


Hi! I love the model and content about relationships and have found it to be very helpful with my relationships with adults (my husband, mom, sister, etc). My question is about how to apply some of the relationship principles outlined in the relationship document to my young children.

Where I have confusion is how to apply the concept that “the only role of my ___ (children in this case) is to be loved by me”. I am totally on board that I want to love them to pieces and have them feel truly seen for who they are and loved for who they are. Where I get stuck is when they don’t want to do things they need to do (i.e. go to school, take a bath after several days, etc) or when they want to do things they can’t do (i.e. my 4 year old wants to jump into the pool in an area too deep for her, my kids want to watch tv for hours).

It probably goes without saying that part of my role is also to keep them safe and teach them how to care for themselves in this world, but my question is how to balance this with their individual expression and agency. Clearly if they are about to do something life threatening, I need to intervene, but it is the more subtle, every day moments where this tension becomes more clear to me.

When do I set a limit by “if you X then I will Y” as talked about in the boundary lecture vs when do I just need to say “you can not X/ you must do X, because of safety, education, laws, etc.”

Thank you!