Using thought work for feelings of unworthiness and needing love from other people


I’d love some help with my self-coaching.

My partner works long hours and often falls asleep on the couch at night

C: partner asleep on couch
T I feel he doesn’t want to spend time with me
F sad.
A Pull away because I dont want to feel vulnerable, shut down. Don’t communicate much (these A’s are when he is awake again!)
R Do nothing to make him want to spend time with me

C: partner asleep on couch
T Aw he must be so tired from working so hard
F compassion
A Enjoy some time alone with my book; don’t think about what it ‘means’ – move on with my evening
R Don’t make it mean anything other than original thought

While I ‘get’ these models and how my thinking is creating my experience, I find I can only ‘believe’ my new model when other ‘C’s are happening. I feel I have to feel connected to my husband in order to be able to feel compassion for him. And I only seem to feel connected when he communicates with me or spends time with me – things I can’t really control.

I’m stuck. I grew up in a family where vulnerability was frowned upon as it ‘could lead to getting hurt’. I feel so unworthy as a person and I just don’t know how to untangle this with my thought work and stuff that feels ‘bigger’ than my partner falling asleep (i.e. I’m making it mean it’s a reflection on his love for me and the bigger issue if I never feel there is enough love).

I don’t know how to move forward to help myself.

Thanks for providing guidance