I got out of the pool on the property and headed back to my home and noticed the gardeners and the property manager’s truck. Went inside and my husband immediately asked “Did you see that guy outside?” He continues to describe him to me and I said well I saw the gardener, Then my husband said Did you see ____ the property manager? I said ” think I saw his truck,” I said what did the guy look like? My husband described the man and I said “Well I know that there has been concern about someone who has been putting up graffiti on property…was the guy young?” My husband described him again and suggested that it was probably a tourist. Then he says the comment in C.
C: My husband points out that the property manager outside our window is typing something into his phone and says “he is checking our lanai”
T: He is finding something wrong with us again
A: Remind myself that there really isn’t anything on the lanai that he can see or site us for. Come up with lots of other explanations for what he is doing like checking others lanais, checking out what I mentioned at the end of the building, checking on the gardeners, etc. Think a flood of thoughts about the last few years of things that the board has done that suck or mistakes they have made not serving the community, the horrible rude treatment toward me at board meetings. Keep thinking how I hate how my husband always thinks the worse and that the property manager is “out to get us” because of the “racist” incident two years ago from a board member. Think of the cordial conversations I have had with the property manager recently and that this must be my husband’s model and that I should not feel the way I am. It is like I am not “loving” my husband if I don’t agree with him and have to think about it to protect him and our home. Think of things that have gone right and are improved. I vacillate between negative and positive….negative to support my husband and take time to consider what he says may be true and then positive nothing is really happening but I know if I mention and say anything “positive” my husband will go off even more. I choose not to say anything more to him.
R: I Worry about something that may not be true and create suffering for me by vacillating but interrupt my model and do not make it a problem that might not even be there.