Verbally abusive spouse


I’ve been married for 22+ years to an abusive man. Through the years I’ve learned to not react to his tirades. What I realized was that I was just stuffing my emotions and numbing out. I always told myself that it said more about him than about me. But by doing so, I feel like I enabled the abuse to continue. I started writing down the things he said and did because I knew I “should” feel bad about it. I’m trying to feel my feelings but I’m having a hard time finding them. By allowing someone to act however they want to act, isn’t that enabling ? I’m really struggling.
C… Husband calls me a worthless f***ing c***
T… Consider the source. He’s projecting
F… ?
A… Walls go up, but life goes on
R… I stay and nothing changes