Very interesting thoughts about my boss

So . . . I did a thought download on all the things I dislike about my boss and there were two general themes: 1. Things about him that I can see in myself – he can be selfish, focused on own goals and career, using people to reach his goals, and 2. Things about him that I’m bad at (and wish I could do better) – self promotion – particularly in public, thinking about the big picture and not caring about the details, taking on big projects and commitments.

But there was a third thought pattern that I’m not so sure about. We were on a committee together and it required some preparation work ahead of time. I showed up for the meeting on time, fully prepared with my report printed and thoughts organized. He showed up late and hadn’t prepared a thing. My thoughts at the time were – “what an asshole, he is so embarrassing, how can he show up unprepared, I can’t believe he’s my boss.” But it didn’t seem to bother him at all – he thought he did a great job. So is this me thinking – I would be so embarrassed if I was that unprepared? Or maybe I’m jealous that he is advancing and I’m wasting my time being prepared for meetings?

This is also tied, I think, to a general thought pattern for me for dislike of the leadership throughout my institution. There seems to be lots of men who behave like him – all talk, little follow-thru, over-commitment. Maybe there’s a bit of a gender issue since we have no women leaders and I’m hesitating to step up since I don’t like the working style of all these men. Anyway, not sure what I’m asking here exactly but any thoughts or insights on where to take this this week would be very much appreciated.