Voices Before Birthday Party

C: I have a birthday party tonight, after dinner. It is possible that there will be some cake. Made a choice to allow for some cake.

VOICE1: you have been anorexic for years, you are not allowing enough pleasure in your life

VOICE2: you are a person who is afraid of cakes

VOICE3: people around you can just eat the cake, you are the only one lost in this rabbit hole

VOICE4: you have to prove that you are not afraid of cakes by eating a whole piece

VOICE5: To make sure that you are still hungry enough to eat a whole piece of cake, you will end up eating much less than you would otherwise. But you have done a workout today, you need fuel, you’ll end up eating less than your body needs → you are prioritizing the pleasure from the cake more than the energy to your body

VOICE6: You are still stuck in these mechanisms for years, you still do not have the courage to change, you are a weak person. Strong people have a greater respect for themselves and reach the point where they become mature and choose to be brave. You have years of evidence that you are not doing that, nor you are planning to, you are still immature, and you are 34.

VOICE7: You will never be a coach and an example for the others, you have been reproducing the same schemes for too long, doing the same things while being super aware of the fact that the mature behaviour was another. You chose CONSCIOUSLY the immature option. For so many times, while having all the coaching tools to do different. You passed the threshold of max allowed repeated identical immature choices. You could start doing different now, sure, but your story your resume cannot be changed, doesn’t lie, and it is a story that does not work as the story of a coach, of an inspiring life. Bold brave unapologetic people who devote themselves to authentic lives do not have this kind of story.

These are all the voices going around my brain. They are several, and superimpose one to the other and pull me in different directions. What to do? Each of them carries some fear, which end up taking enjoyment out of my day before the party, during the party, eating the cake, and most likely afterwards. At the same time letting go of these fears all at once sounds a bit unrealistic… Thanks