I love my husband deeply. We have been together 20 years (in our late thirties now) and we have a great relationship on many many levels.

One thing that I am missing from our relationship, however, is something I would describe as physical romance, such as having him wrap his arm around my shoulders, slow-dancing together at a party, feeling physically held and cherished… This just isn’t something he’s naturally inclined to do, and although I initiate hugs and gestures of physical affection when I want to feel physically connected, holding is not the same as being held, touching is not the same as being touched.

This “holding is not the same as being held, touching is not the same as being touched” feels like a sensory truth to me, and my yearning for it feels primal and real. But is it just a thought?

This is not a problem that would threaten our marriage in any way (or cause me to seek physical connection outside of it), but I’ve lived with that low-level awareness of an unmet need all these years, it makes me a little sad, and I’m wondering what to do with/about it.

One thought I had is that because I am a pretty independent and strong-minded woman, being with a very manly man who would see me as this fragile thing to protect, or give me a sense of my physical inferiority would not be to my liking at all. But it feels very theoretical and isn’t much help.

How do you think I could approach this? Thank you!