Wanting my move to move along faster

My boyfriend of 3 years and I are looking to move to a house near us. Right now, we’re in total limbo, with lots of uncertainty, I’m going crazy, and there’s not much we can do to move things along.

The first of our two total options – a house we looked at that was at the top of our price range that could work if we sold another property first to pay for it, we heard from the realtor that someone put an offer in, and now it’s “pending” on realtor.com. Technically, someone (possibly us) could swoop in and still buy it. That’s unlikely to be us, if anyone else at all.

The other house (house 2 of 2) is complicated. The seller that got divorced told us we are first in line to sell it to. The seller, J, texted my boyfriend, N, middle of January and said yeah it’ll be ready for you to come look at it either this weekend or next weekend, implying the weekends of Sat January 22 and Sat Jan 29.

Well now it’s mid-february. We haven’t heard anything from him.

We also heard a rumor that another couple was moving into the house J was gonna move INTO, that would then make his house vacant for us to buy. But if someone’s moving into that house, where is J gonna live? It could be that he’d need to live in his house longer/permanently, leaving that house no longer as an option either.

I looked on zillow and realtor.com for other possible house options today, nothing that will work for us in our price range and location.

Boyfriend is unwilling to build a house. I personally do not want to build a house because of the headaches it will cause, from deciding on everything as well as it’s going to be way over our budget to build even a basic house. Boyfriend told me that after he talked with the builder that did both of his brothers’ houses.

What I think should be happening:
• J should have let us come see the house the weekends or even like the weekend after the two weekends he proposed. Then we’d know how much money he wants for the house and also if we even like it enough to consider buying it.
• N should get the property ready to sell (two specific repairs needing done to it in order to list it), then list it, regardless of if he accepts any offers that may or may not come in.
• N should man up and call J to see what the F is going on. I think it’s reasonable to call him to get more information. N thinks it’s too soon/pushy/overkill, that we should just wait and see.

I feel like there’s nothing I can even do. Like, I want to do something to move this along. I feel urgency, desperation, helpless, and so so so so so hopeless.

If we don’t get either of those two houses, we are stuck in this house that we hate until something else magically happens, which is super unlikely given we live in a super rural area and there’s not a lot of turnover in terms of people moving out of houses that would work for us in our very small radius of a location we need to be able to get a house in, due to the fact that N operates his family’s farm and can’t be live than 10 mins away.

I feel dumb because I attempted to start a dialogue about this to N today and I just don’t feel like he’s seeing me in my pain with all this uncertainty and nothing happening.

I feel trapped in my own head because even to explain how Im feeling even to ask a coaches, I have to explain all this context to explain why I’m feeling this way, it’s all so complicated and nobody understands.