Wanting to Not Want Chardonnay

I’ve been working on my impossible goal of not over-drinking. Started 2 years ago when I joined Scholars. I’ve been half-assed about it and started/stopped so many times. I’ve done my share of drink plans, 100 urges worksheets, etc…I’ve even enjoyed a glass or two while watching the “stop-over drinking” videos. Lol. I’ve seen some relationships with my former wine buddies fizzle. I realized that alcohol was the main reason for our get-togethers, maybe under the guise of friendship? I’ve also seen other friendships flourish. I never “got” when Brooke said “I want to not want to drink.” Until NOW. My drinking plan started going unfulfilled. My plan was a gradual plan-first number of glasses of wine, then switched to smaller wine glasses, then only certain days of week. (I guess I just didn’t believe I’d ever be a non-drinker, that’s why I did in increments? If I didn’t honor the plan, which was so many times, I reflected on why I didn’t honor it, how did wine make me feel physically and what did I make not honoring my plan mean? Lesson learned, every single time. As the amount that I drank lessened, so did the desire. Even though I allotted myself a glass of wine here and there according to plan…I didn’t lust after it like I used to. I used to get so excited when it was a “drinking day.” This past week, I realized that I’ve stopped thinking about wine, and drinking plans, and what to say at social events when I chose not to drink. It’s just become a non-issue.

I’m just amazed how good it feels to NOT think about drinking, or excuses why I’m not drinking or drink plans. As B.B. King sings “the thrill is gone.” And I now know nothing is impossible…thanks a million Brooke.