I am in a six year long committed relationship with someone that I love dearly. I think our relationship is 90% perfect but I can’t get over my partner’s lack of motivation. For the past year I have been trying to hold back my feelings because I don’t want him to feel judged or discourage any progress that he makes with my negativity. I realize that this is people pleasing and have tried to stay out of his model by telling myself that he is just there for me to love him. I felt like I was on track to truly believe this but I have also been watching Brooke’s relationship podcasts and I feel like all my old thoughts keep bubbling up.
Brooke said to ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship. My top reasons are to love and be loved but also to be with someone that can carry the load of life with me. I imagine myself with someone that helps in daily chores, can pay the bills, or can organize a vacation for two and actually wants to do those things. That is very important to me and I’m finally at a place where I believe that what I want matters (I’m a recovering people pleaser). I have talked to him about these things and he says that he wants the same things so I guess there is a want match but he doesn’t actually do anything different.
I know that I don’t want to leave him and I know that I want a sense of partnership in my relationship. I feel that these two can’t coexist and I should change my thoughts around one. I know that each choice is fine as long as I like my reasons. I honestly like both reasons and I guess dislike them equally because I go back and forth. I also feel angry that I have to do this work and about the six years that have passed.
I don’t even know where to begin but I know I’m suffering. Please help