Wants vs. Manual

I’ve been trying to figure out my manuals that I have for people and myself, because I can see how they aren’t helpful to anyone. I have pretty strict manuals for myself and really comprehensive ones for other people. But I have a question.

Is it wrong to have wants and bids for a partner? Or do we just say, give me what you’ve got and I’ll figure out how to make myself happy with that or not?

I would love it if my spouse would work with me to connect on a deeper level, but he thinks things have been great and he’s not going to change. I feel discouraged and that I’m never going to get the deeper sense of connection that I want.