I am 2 months into scholars.
I keep observing this “phenomenon“ whenever I have a day without too many meetings. I get excited at the prospect of having huge blocks of time to get my work done, block out my tasks per MHO And I am hopeful about how much I accomplish.
And then the day unfolds in a way that changes and plans go out the window.
I know that sounds as if I am at the effect of my day, and I know that I am not a victim of my day but at the same time things happen that require me to pivot. For example today, I followed up with somebody and discovered that I made a mistake that requires me to redo a strategy, cancel some meetings and do a lot of pivoting.
In addition I am also dealing with my own distraction, when I am about to start a task.
I am having trouble identifying the feelings that I’m having, when I try to sit with it and let the vibration pass through my body I feel physically agitated and have the urge to move around and shake it out, yell in a pillow, or just move around in a vigorous way. it’s like I’m a little kid with ants in pants. I feel like I’m a little weird or crazy.
It’s so disappointing to have a two or three hour block go by and not get done what I want to get done. At this point I’m not sure what thoughts I was thinking that caused me to not focus or what thoughts I can think to manage the agitation.
But the pattern I’m observing is on a regular day where I have meetings I end up working late to get my work done, and on days where I have huge blocks of time things happen that eat my time and I’m still working late. Obviously it’s something I am doing and I’m not seeing it yet. I need a toehold to start figuring out how to think differently. Can you help me with that?