I have been watching my mind for around 3 months now. It is quite a process. First awareness. Then I struggled with understanding the model and how to apply it correctly thinking all thoughts had to be happy. Then understanding the 50/50. During this time I had the best curriculum ever. My husband and I who had a 50/50 relationship…he decided he wanted “out” so I was learning while going through a big deal. Let me tell you I have grown so much but so has he. I am starting to see that even our 50/50 relationship was just as it was supposed to be. I am thankful for it. I feel so much more even and able to greet the day with compassion for me and for others. I am accepting that I am both good and bad and so are others and that is ok. The model is serving as a tool that helps me understand things so much better.
It does not happen overnight though. I was in a rush at the beginning and that is ok too. I just wanted to write this for other Scholars to say that as you do the work, more and more becomes clear. Don’t judge how you do the work. Just let it be. You are perfect in your imperfectness.