Last week I was feeling depressed.

We had had no sex in 3 weeks with my husband. I asked him 3 times if he wants to have sex and he said he’s not in the mood. I’d like to talk about sex with him but I know from past conversations that he doesn’t want or is not able to talk about sex.

My manual says “Real couples have sex at least once a week”. This comes from society, and also from what I’d like.

C my husband and I had no sex in 3 weeks
T We are not a real couple
f depressed
A don’t reach out, critique him and the relationship in my head, think about leaving him
R I separate from him

IM
C my husband and I had no sex in 3 weeks
T We are like all other couples at a certain age
F neutral
A reach out, don’t dramatize, read a book, accept my husband as he is, talk to him
R I’m part of this couple

C my husband and I had no sex in 3 weeks
T this is full, complete, and good enough
F peace
A don’t ruminate, see my reasons, find evidence, do my stuff, speak kindly
R I create a nice experience for me

I guess I could think something different, like “I love him no matter what”. But what I think is: “This is not my favorite way to envision sex in a relationship, I’d like to have sex more often and be able to talk about it”.
As life is 50/50, I guess I could think “We are a real couple” and “I’d like things to be different”?

I guess this will happen again because in the last 5 years we’ve had sex every 3 weeks on average. What would you advise?