Wedding dress shopping

I went wedding dress shopping yesterday and undressed down to my underwear in front of the stylist and now it is all I can think about. I keep thinking about how stupid I was,

– I was so stupid
– she probably thought there was something wrong with me
– I couldn’t articulate my questions
– she just seemed annoyed at me
– She acted like I was wasting her time
– There is something wrong with me
– This is why I don’t have any friends anymore
– I am too weird and awkward
– I laughed too much
– I am not as cool as the girl next to me
– I’ve gained weight
– I don’t look good

I can’t stop thinking about this. And then my brain offers me all these other thoughts about other times I said or did something stupid and awkward. I guess the A is ruminate and beat myself up.

C: wedding dress shopping. I laughed
T: there is something wrong with me
F: shame
A: go on the internet. go to sleep. snap at my fiance. get up in my head while we were at dinner with BIL & SIL. don’t get curious about BIL & SIL. judge them. judge myself. judge fiance. tell him omg stop complaining. try to get thoughts to stop. think of other Cs where I did or said things I think were cringey. go up to my bedroom when fiance turned off the tv and asked if I wanted to talk. judge him for not holding space for me the “right way”.
R: proving there is something wrong with me? finding everything wrong