Wedding Thoughts Follow Up

Hello, thank you so much for your help! I wanted to follow up with more thoughts I’m having. When you had asked “What if the only thing that meant you were ready to get married was your willingness to get married? – my thought was I’m not willing to get married and then I ask myself why and it brings me back to all of the other thoughts I’ve posted about. Is this just another way my brain wants to not focus on creating the feeling of preparedness?

I keep going back and forth between wanting to get married and not wanting to get married. Feeling prepared and not feeling prepared. Then I feel horrible about the fact that I’m not totally on board with it and my fiancé is. It brings me into self loathing about how he deserves someone better and more committed. And how I’m worthless and a piece of crap. Then it swings back the other way and I image him not on my life and thy feels terrible too. I get worried he will leave me. Then I’ll be stuck by myself with myself.

Ahhh please help!