1. What you want to change from the past.There was a medical emergency when I was born. My mother and I didn’t bond.
2. My own mother rejected me. No one wants me. No one wants what I have to offer. People don’t like me.
3. There was a medical emergency when I was born. My mother was sick for a while after I was born. I didn’t get breastfed. Formula made me sick.
4. My mother was sick when I was an infant. The lack of bonding wasn’t personal. On a soul level I came here to overcome deep wounds of abandonment and rejection because I have the consciousness to handle it for myself and make a contribution to the world by doing so. I can use my consciousness now to connect with unconditional love and heal this wound within myself.
5. I can let go of the identity of a girl whose mother rejected her. I can let go of self-pity. I can stop telling myself my work and contributions will be rejected. I can keep the power to reconnect with unconditional love and unconditional self-love.
Do you see any ways I can make this stronger or more useful? Any insights?
I seem to be able to understand that I am eternally connected to the source of unconditional love, but I have trouble feeling it in my body. It may sound stupid, but eating ice cream is about as close as I can get. That creamy sweetness triggers feelings of safety and relaxation and openness and happiness. Looking at flowers growing in my garden, or a beautiful sunset or a rainbow give me similar feelings. Certain music opens me up to it.
But when I ask myself to just feel it with no trigger it feels like pretending or fake it til you make it. Not real.
How can I get myself to feel those feelings only by intending to feel it, not using food or anything else?