Weight loss as a measure of success


I have a belief that what I weigh is how I measure my success in life. This has been a theme in my life for as long as I can remember.
One of the coaches said it was a poisonous thought.
Now I’d like help in working through that belief.
My circumstance today is I weigh 64.9kg.
It is pretty much what I weighed when I started scholars more than 2 years ago. I have during that time been down to my goal weight of 55kg and now I’m back here.
My mind wants to tell me I’m a failure for regaining the weight.
I’ve been coached on this a few times and I’ve spent lots of time on it in my self coaching.
C weight = 64.9
T I can’t even do the one thing that I care about, I’m a failure
F self loathing
A think about self harming, buffer, consider eating a doughnut.
R I’m failing to take care of myself or do anything I care about

I hate myself for failing at weight loss, and I hate myself for caring so much about it. At this weight I could have a normal happy life. I know that on some level my weight is irrelevant and yet I still use it to beat myself up.
The thing is I feel like a failure if I give up on trying to lose the weight because it has been my goal. But I feel like a loser if I spend another 2 years focusing on it only to land up back here again.
I guess I think that I should have solved it by now.
If my future self had a say she would say we’ll get there in the end. But where is there? At goal weight? or happy at this weight?
I know I’m supposed to find self love here and then choose from there. But if the goal is weight loss and I’ve gained weight then surely that is negative and I have failed again.
I can’t help thinking that other people are just living their lives without all this going on.

I guess my question is do I give up on thinking weight loss is success and still choose to lose weight? Is that even possible? Because it feels like conflicting thoughts.