Weight Loss or Self Love?

I’ve found that I don’t want to lose weight because it is exhausting, and the journey is long. I’ve been on this journey my entire adult life, and what if it’s more about loving myself rather than trying to change my weight?

I’m afraid of who I must be to lose the weight and, frankly, feel exhausted just thinking about it.
Is it possible to want weight loss because of societal ideas of “normal weight” rather than actually wanting to lose the weight? Or is it maybe that I’m just too afraid of the work involved?

I don’t like how those thoughts feel. So, where do I start to love myself?