Weight Loss – self sabotage

Hello, I am at the weight I could never imagine I can be. For the 100th time I created and wrote down my protocol. This week will be the first week I will actually follow it. My problem is that I sabotage myself and do not keep food journal. I am aware and doing it on purpose to screw myself over. Please help. What is the thought that I can choose to respect my body and my goals?