So… I had not had a drink since March 25. Last night, in NYC on vacation with my partner, we went out late to a club. I chose to have two rum drinks that night (unplanned). I didn’t over drink. I didn’t feel bad for ordering them. And I don’t feel bad today because I’m not be berating myself and I don’t feel like I’ll be compelled to start drinking again. This feels weird to me but not. It feels weirdly good, like “Ok, I had 2 drinks. I didn’t over drink and don’t feel like I’ll pick up drinking again. So I don’t feel the need to kick myself. Why does this feel fine?”
I do know why I chose to drink – I’m painfully white* and have zero dance skills. A drink or two (I believe) either greatly improves my moves (ha!) or clouds my internal judge enough for me to feel comfortable. Maybe just learning to dance a bit would be a better idea.
Anyway, just curious on your thoughts. It feels like a net nuetral right now.
* I realize white guys can dance. I currently am not one of them.