went on a date… spiraling now

I went on a date the other day for the first time since leaving my long term relationship and I am having a lot of thoughts about it. Can I get some feedback on these models and some possible new thought ideas for some IMs? Feeling a bit stuck in these UMs, although writing them out has definitely helped me with awareness 🙂

C: date said the words “are you an insecure person?”
T: I must portray as very insecure, which he probably doesn’t find sexy
F: insecure (LOL!!!!! funny how this works…)
A: dwell on what I could have possibly said that comes off as insecure, make excuses to myself for why I might come across as insecure about certain things, obsess over how and when I will prove to him I’m NOT insecure
R: I become increasingly more insecure and feel very unsexy (?)

C: date with guy
T: I wasn’t being my authentic self, so if he likes “me”…he’ll only like the fake version. If he doesn’t like that fake version, then it will be my fault because I wasn’t authentic
F: disappointed
A: obsess over seeing him again so I can prove to myself that I am capable of being authentic regardless of circumstance. Punish myself by saying I could have been “better” and “more authentic”
R: I don’t like myself.

C: texted date “I’m excited to see you again” and have not gotten a response
T: he hates me because I’m unattractive
F: hopeless
A: obsess over his social media to see if he’s being active, try to find evidence that my text is purposely being ignored, think of all the unattractive things I might have said or done over the past 72 hours, delete all my dating apps because “there’s no point if I’m so unlikeable”, convince myself there’s no one else I could possibly be interested in, give up on dating entirely
R: I prove myself right that I am unattractive by closing myself off and hating myself