what actions to take to support 16-year-old’s self-responsibility?

My 16-year-old son does not have age-appropriate life skills (yes I know that’s a thought, not a neutral circumstance). If I don’t prepare him breakfast and lunch, he just skips them. He is skinny, has ADHD, and struggles with mood and focus when he doesn’t eat. If I don’t wake him up, he sleeps in. If I wake him up and nag him to leave, he is still late. If I ask him to do chores, he doesn’t do them unless I nag him relentlessly. He is struggling in school and he’s in his second-last year. He doesn’t hang out with friends, do sports or hobbies. Just gaming. I don’t know know how to support his self-responsibility. This is also a never-ending marriage issue as my husband (stepfather) doesn’t approve of my parenting, and lack thereof.

I see that I have a manual for him. But letting him do whatever is irresponsible (yes, I know that’s also a thought, not a neutral circumstance).

I just don’t know what I would do if I was a loving, responsible parent coaching her 16-year-old son in self-responsibility 🙁 . I don’t know what actions I would take. I don’t know what I would put on my calendar. I don’t know what boundaries are appropriate.

C – son’s actions and inactions
T – he will never be able to take care of himself as an adult
F – extremely anxious
A – buffer, ruminate, caretake him (prepare food, remind him, nag him)
R – he doesn’t take care of himself

C – son’s actions and inactions
T – ??
F – love
A – ??
R – son develops self-responsibility