What if I’ll never be happy?

I am so excited to be a part of scholars and am anxiously awaiting April so that my work can really start! I’ve been addicted to the podcast and inhaled the entire Stop Overeating Workshop in a weekend (and lost half a pound this week – while on vacation!) I am so ready and I’ve been looking for something to resonate with me like the life coach school does.

I’m not sure what my question is, but it’s about happiness. Maybe how do I know if it’s working? How long will it take? After a few life events – being in a committed long term relationship with someone who really seems to love me unconditionally (what?), buying a condo that checked literally every must have on my list (including a gym that I’ve gone to exactly twice in the 5 months I’ve lived here and once was for a board meeting), getting to work from home with a semi-flexible schedule (and all the kitty snuggles) – I started feeling really depressed. I wanted to have all of these things and when I got them… they barely registered as a blip on my happiness. I didn’t understand why I was still wanting, still sad, still frustrated, still fat, still angry, still miserable. The weird thing is, I even started looking to the past and cherry picking things that if I just had it again it would make me happy (even though I know all I wanted then was what I had now, plus being thin.) I started getting really scared that I would never be happy and it took me to a dark place. I’ve been working on models around this but to be honest it’s usually after I suffer a bit. I’m trying not to get frustrated that I don’t have it down pat already.

C- All my needs met, and basically everything I said I wanted
T- What if thought work and models don’t make you happy either?
F- fear
A- continue the work
R- still fearful