What if someone has a manual for me?


I have struggled in my relationship with my brother because he believes I should think, feel, and act in a more caring way. We have gone through many years of trying to work this out because we both want a strong relationship (at least he says he does!). He feels that I don’t care because I don’t call enough, don’t make his family enough of a priority, etc. I really do care about him and his family. I think of them often! I am not good about staying in touch with anyone – the people I am most comfortable with know this about me and accept me and love me despite this flaw. My brother can’t. I would really love to have a happy, supportive, fun relationship with my brother, his wife, and my nephew… But I have a hard time connecting with them and reaching out knowing that a) there is a lot of negative history there, and b) they don’t want a relationship with me as I am (someone who doesn’t call/text often but who does think of loved ones often and is helpful, accepting, and loving when I do see those loved ones).

I am having trouble sorting out my thoughts here and figuring out how to build the relationship I want with them. Might I need to accept that they don’t want a close relatipnship with me because I haven’t been a good enough sister?