what is fair?

Hi Brooke.
I understand that not everything in life is and doesn’t have to be fair but in my home, with my 2 teenagers and my husband, I always try to be fair as I can, same money allowance, I try to spend the same amount of money on both ( on clothes and others), they have to have the same attention from both of us, etc, etc. Both my husband and I are self-employees so we divide the chore at home and the bill too. I want to change this, I want to feel ok with things not been fair I want to stop being so controlling and making sure everyone got their fair share of attention and responsibilities. How can I change this?
Thanks in advance.