in february i put paperblock next to me and everytime i had a thought coming up concerning anything negative. I have a lot of negative thoughts patterns concerning my relationship with my bf . so i wrote them down everytime something came up, cause its easier for me to just catch it in the moment when i have it.
i want to share them with you and then love to hear your feedback. I think i need like an explanation for my brain.
just to share why my negative thought pattern started:
my bf was shy and insecure and felt unworthy.. which i resented and in addition i met another guy which was secure, could connect with lots of people and told was he was thinking and told me which way to go. so the picture of my boyfriend which show he is a nice, cute boy stayed…

here are my thoughts:
i was walking with a friend and we talked about our thoughts and feelings. I try to tell her what my thoughts were but she then told me she thinks i’m forcing something here with my bf. she also has an long distant relationship. and hers is full of drama, love and she just knows that she belongs to him. “she has no choice”, she’s drawn to him, feels alive.
this conversation lead me to have more thoughts and i started panicking, being anxious etc. because i don’t have that kind of love
i started crying, because i hate that feeling where i imagine how i can’t love him and have to break up.
But then something AMAZING happened. i went back to work and i just decided that i’m gonna believe in the good thoughts and just don’t believe in the negative thoughts. because they don’t mean anything. BUT i still would like to explain to my BRAIN what love is.. what is happening in my brain??! help!

in my mind there are different kind of loves and relationship.
one love is the dramatic one like my friend has. I think i’m still used to that one. Where you just feel drawn to them and no matter what bad habits they have you still feel drawn to them. i feel more resentful in my case like unattracted.
second love is where you are just to people having each others back, loving unconditionally and being your own person. i call it the grown up love haha.
third love is when you are more like partners. don’t have that romantic bond. you are in each others life, and more like friends/partner.
and this one scares me!!

if you watched it: do you think this is the real love of people who grow and love unconditionalland it was so mind blowing but it also scared me, because this love so lose in my head. its not romantic. its not the “you are the one and i want to grow old with you romantic kind of love

i’m forcing to love him, that’s not healthy.
i you were tell someone who is not in scs they would tell you that you are not in love with him. you have to break up
we will break up
we will drift apart and i have no control over it.
we will just be partners
scs is just working for the moment and later it will come back to me and we will break up
looking in to the future and really playing like a movie in my head of how i don’t have any feelings left for him.
i have to get it or i will forver have these thoughts and then have to break up.
he is a good guy but not enough
its not meant to be
the heart wants what it wants. ( i hate that one, because you have no control!!)

thanks so much for helping me with the subject of love. My brain needs some explanations.