Here is a model I have for dealing with my husband’s ex wife when she doesn’t follow through on commitments with us.
C- bio mom doesn’t can’t take stepdaughter to appointment and it is her scheduled week with her
T – she should schedule better and she should be taking her.
F – frustrated, resentful
A – ruminate, tell all friends how frustrating she is, be angry, don’t do my work and what I want to do to reach goals
R – I don’t reach my goals
C – same
T – I can problem solve this and work my schedule to get my stepdaughter to appointments when I need to. I would do that exact same thing if my husbands schedule changed and he needed me
F – helpful, love, compassion
A – take step daughter to appointment and the rest of my day is still productive. When I am with friends I don’t complain about the ex. I focus on my goals and not her.
R – reach my goals, love my family
The question I have is what should my result be in the unintentional model if my result is supposed to prove my thought?