What is the difference between responding to a feeling and reacting to a feeling

My husband and I are often at odds with each other in terms of our values and personalities. He doesn’t think telling the truth has a purpose if it doesn’t get you what you want. He tries to manipulate rather than talk honestly, So he will try to avoid conflict at times rather than take full responsibility for something. He gets defensive and feels I am criticising him unacceptably every time I feel angry or disappointed in anything to do with him rather than own up to his actions. I feel threatened by these things because I don’t trust him to behave with integrity over self interest. At what point am I reacting to my feelings or stupidly not responding to them?