What Thoughts Could I Choose to Think?

I’m much better at writing when it comes to expressing my feelings or even just talking/speaking. It’s like I’m a completely different person when you could compare the two when you become a watcher of both. Even in my work as a coach – I can write a post 110% better than I can speak it. And, doing this work I’m even more aware of it than ever. I’m also in certification and I can even see this true when I’m in my group. I don’t want to be that way but I notice it when I’m in a group call setting. I really want to be like the “writer” at all times but yet the words never really come or flow the right way out of my mouth. This has been a thought my entire life – because I could never explain things say after a movie, or remember the lyrics of a song, or even recap a story. I’ve always “said” I’m not explaining this right or you’d have to see the movie. I can’t seem to remember all the details and tell a story perfectly. The words just don’t connect from my brain and mouth flowingly ~ is the best way I can describe it. I sometimes think this is a handicap and maybe I can’t learn this craft as well as someone else. As soon as I think it’s my turn to speak every thought or what I want to say flies out of the window or in this matter my brain. I’m not anxious but maybe at that very moment I am. Sort of like when your teacher is looking for someone to call on and you start panicking thinking “don’t call on me” and of course she does because you are thinking this very thought and your heart drops in that moment.

I was very shy and reserved when I was a child. So much so I didn’t say a word to anyone – not even my dad. Like I would ask my mom to ask my dad something. Now that I’m an adult and also doing this work I can see I’m still “afraid” of being judged or embarrassed so much so that I don’t speak where I can be put in a vulnerable situation – mostly groups. But I’m not really a “shy” person but I think I fear sounding stupid or something. Or, I won’t have the right answer or possibly I’m afraid of what others will think. I don’t know but I need and want to get passed this.

What can I be thinking that will help me get to where I truly want to be? I’d love suggestions. I’ve made a list of new thoughts that I’ve worked on before but here I am still believing this same crap. Thank you!