I attended a Jewish religious funeral today. The deceased was 94 years old and a holocaust survivor. She left a big family of children, grandchildren, and grand-grandchildren.
At the funeral home her sons as well as the community Rabbi, each gave an eulogy and the message was unanimous and clear. Here’s what she was an example of (in their words):

She always cared about everyone else and not about herself.
She never asked for anything.
She was always content just raising children.
She never sought attention.
No matter how many guests will come, she always found a way to accommodate them.
She was in the kitchen all day.
Even when she got sick she never complained.
She never asked anything for herself.
She always said yes to what others asked.

And they went on and on about that, praising her virtues as a quiet and obedient woman.
In my mind, to be an example of these things means I haven’t lived. I cancelled myself for everybody else. I was a people-pleaser and I never really lived for myself.
Of course, whatever it was for her, she took with her to the grave, but it really made me ponder about what she might have really wanted but never dared to ask and what others considered a virtue in their minds.