What’s mine, what’s theirs?

I’m brand new to scholars this month, and thus far, self-coaching has been awesome! I have a circumstance, however, that I am somewhat unclear about (thought: don’t use the word confused! lol). With two close relationships (both women), I caught myself thinking, “They make me feel so defensive and anxious/angry.” I changed the thought to “I make myself anxious and angry” and from there, I get lost. First, I recognize that it is because I feel criticized by both, due to their sharp words and passive-aggressive behaviors, and I have a strong dislike of feeling criticized. Because I recognize this, I assume that I am the one that needs to do the work here, only I’m not sure what, exactly I need to do. I know I can do models and learn to tolerate the feeling of discomfort when criticized, which will result in inner changes for me, but perhaps not corrective to the relationship? Would the secondary step be assertive communication, boundary setting in order to prevent the circumstance in the first place? Is it even in my best interest to try to correct the relationship, or is this work solely mine? Help! and Thank You!