Been taking in all the thought work and ‘the manual’. I ‘get’ that your relationships are essentially what you make them to be in your mind, now. However, with this approach, I’m left wondering, what’s the guideline on how to decide / think / feel about a desire to end a relationship when there’s not abuse or egregious issues?
What about when you’re just bored, unfulfilled, disappointed… things have changed enough in the relationship where you question compatibility now. And/or maybe it boils down to having a belief that there’s someone better out there for you… Like yes, I could change my thoughts around being bored, unfulfilled, disappointed and compatible — I believe that. And I believe it could help. When I imagine doing this (and I’ve already done it somewhat), I strongly suspect I will feel like I’m settling to a degree. And/or that I’ll be susceptible to having feelings for someone else if that someone crosses my path (I don’t feel susceptible to this when I’m actually in love).
Yes, actually, that’s the distinction… I believe that changing my thoughts can help me to continue loving them and maintaining a better version of the relationship I have now, but I don’t believe that it’s enough for me to fall back IN-LOVE with them and I want to be in a long-term relationship / marriage where I feel in-love more often than not…
Anyway, I love the concepts of the manual, the thought work, the model, etc., but all of this information seems to always guide us back to staying in the relationships (as long as it’s not abusive). What if we are doing this work on ourselves and our approach and we still just feel done and want to leave? What if the advice I often hear of ‘So what, love them anyway’ just doesn’t resonate with us? How does leaving a good person and a fine relationship fit into all of this? Am I missing the point somehow if I leave anyway? Does that mean I didn’t do the work enough? Or honestly enough? Does it mean anything at all?