When fear looms large


I started scholars in September, brought in by getting things done. This process works well for me and morning models is a game-changer. I get it. I have enough experience with thought-work to comfortably settle into your model. All good. Project created. Stresses reduced, etc.

Here’s the past few days. My daughter’s father has brain surgery in 5 weeks. There’s a medical malpractice suit attached. There’s life-threatening medical situations from the past few years coming up and grief has come in for a tight tango. We’re partly separated, and we have an elementary aged child I need to gently guide through this. Over the past 72 hours it’s like my head is increasingly exploding on the inside. I’m doing my morning model, choosing my thoughts with the level of skill that’s available in the moment (varies), watching when thoughts loom up, looking at what’s on the calendar, looking to make clear choices and schedule this next month and into surgery month, planning so I have a scaffolding to function in so I still get things done rather than sitting with a tidal wave of thoughts doing the evil laugh in the background that they have a chance to take over.

But Brooke. Holy crap. The thought is, “I’m outside my are of competence.” The replacement could be, “I’ll take what I have, one moment at a time, in small pieces.” The thought is, “This is fucking hard. I’m scared.”

Whoosh. Comments? Feedback? Coaching?