When is it time to be public in your shame?


Roughly 6 months ago, i decided to leave my boyfriend for non-compatibility issues. I loved him dearly (and still do to this day) but the way we were showing up for each other wasn’t conducive to us continuing.

Before i exited the relationship, I began talking to someone virtually who was meeting me emotionally. After 1 month of leaving my boyfriend, I decided to officially meet this new virtual connection “in person” and explore a relationship with them. At the time, my ex was still in my life trying to repair the relationship with me. I wasn’t sure where my heart was at the time so I left the door of possibility open. This new man was so compatible with me, and yet I still had emotional hooks in my ex boyfriend whom I had loved for so long.

In the last 2 months I have cut my ex out entirely, because I realized that me holding the possibility of both was leading to a lot of comparing, a lot of internal struggle and choosing for me, and a lack of integrity when it came to not fully choosing 1 man (and them not knowing about each other). I decided to instead pursue this new man. This new man now wants to fully “claim” me as his and this relationship as OURS. and is desiring to be public (on social media) about our relationship. However, I experience a ton of shame here. I found out my ex has suspected this New relationship of mine and I fear that if i’m public with this new man, i will bring the lack of integrity i had (of being between 2 men at once) into the light. And potentially my ex will find out that I discovered this man before even breaking up with him .

I want to be free emotionally and in my own expression. And I know i haven’t forgiven myself for any of this. I keep “waiting” to be public about moving on after emotional infidelity– but It never feels safe.

Bottom Line Question:

How can I move on and be “public” with my love life after emotional infidelity?