My husband blames me for feeling unloved and unappreciated. I tell him I love him and appreciate him. When he does things I say thank you. He wants me to “love him more”, his words. I’m loving him every day. I feel love towards him. But he’s not feeling it from me. I’m not affectionate enough for him, I’m not gushing with gratitude enough for him and what he does. I understand this is about him and his thoughts. I cannot create the feeling of love or appreciation for him. So I feel there is nothing I can do but keep being me, doing my work. But I’m sad for him. And he has left me before, left our marriage and almost divorced me for these same reasons. I know the Model, I do models and thought work every day. I can see he’s focusing on the negative. He’s using his brain to find evidence that I don’t love or appreciate him. My current Model on this is:
C: husband said ‘you don’t love or appreciate me”
T: He doesn’t understand that I’m not responsible for his feelings
F: compassion
A: keep doing my own work, stay responsible for my own emotions, show up how I want to show up
R: sad for him but I’m fine… if he leaves again then he leaves again. I’ll be OK.

It’s sad to watch him suffer. To miss out on the fact that I do love him and want to be with him. I guess it’s OK to be sad about that. I love him. I know he loves me. I don’t know how else to help him, or if I’m even supposed to. Just keep loving him where he’s at. If he leaves again, he leaves again. Love him anyway.