When someone else has a manual for you


When we’re together in the car—whether it’s for a short or long car ride—my husband gets annoyed when I do anything that prevents me from being fully present in our conversations. This means things like reading, using my cellphone, working from my laptop, sleeping, writing, etc.

We’ve fought about this in the past. I don’t even remember what his reasoning was. Something about him feeling like he’s boring and his happy memories of going on car trips where everyone was talking and having fun.

But that doesn’t even matter because whatever he said is a circumstance to me. Before I would feel like a victim and get annoyed. Now I’m familiar with the Model and want to see this with a different lens.

So, tomorrow we’re going on a 3-hour trip each way. I would like to spend part of the trip, maybe half, reading and doing my self-coaching work. I haven’t said anything, but I know he doesn’t want this. We don’t have a want match here.

If I agree, I feel like I’m people-pleasing. It’s not a decision I feel good about because I enjoy doing these things and am not doing them just so he won’t be in a bad mood.

BUT, are my thoughts not serving me? How do I know if instead, I should work on my thougths about not doing these things in the car?