Just had what I think might be an “ah ha” about a model I just made. The unintentional model may actually be a first step to finding my thoughts? Not sure, but here goes:

C – I exist
T – I’d be better if I was smaller boned
F – Defective
A – Buffer with over listening to self help, playing games on my phone, overeating, wasting time, avoiding runs, not following protocol
R – I don’t reach my goals

When I write it that way, the result doesn’t “prove” the thought…I don’t think? Maybe the REAL model is:

C – Exist
T – I’m not worthy of achieving my goals (using evidence: because I’m not smaller boned)
F – Defective
A – Buffer by wasting time, overlistening to podcasts, overeating, etc, beat myself up, spend all my want energy on wishing reality were different.
R – I don’t meet my goals because I spend all my want energy on wanting my body to be something it’s physically unable to be.

Intentional model
C-I exist
T – I am worthy of any goal I want to achieve (regardless of my bone size)
F – Empowered
A – Follow my running plan and protocol each day, go on dates and have fun. Use my “want” energy on reaching goals instead of fighting reality.
R – Achieve goal of losing 20 pounds, and running a sub 2 hour half marathon and meeting an amazing partner

I may also be putting too many results into one model but I do think that one thought “I am unworthy” fits. I find new evidence for “I am unworthy” all the time. It’s very enlightening to learn this about myself, especially since the work this month where we talk about how others see us and what they tell us is basically the opposite of what I think! I discount the nice things people tell me a lot and instead go straight to the thought “yeah, but that’s not enough”. WOW. So enlightening! Thanks in advance for the feedback!