When their actions destroy my efforts

I have 2 circumstances with a common theme.

#1 Last year my husband had a temper tantrum for his birthday. His actions included throwing away his birthday cake in front of me and my kids. At the time, my money and time were in very short supply. I believed that I made a very large sacrifice to create a birthday he would love. When he was enraged instead of grateful, I felt disrespected and angry.

#2. I was assigned a large project at work that included one of my teammates from my department. He refused to participate. When I presented the project overview and execution plan to our whole team, he voiced that it “was a disaster” and told the whole team not to do it. I went back to the drawing board two more times to create different versions. He continued to refuse to participate. With each presentation, he reacted the same. Meanwhile, my boss was getting very upset that the project was stalled for over 6 months. He was getting pressure because this was a highly visible project for the whole company. I felt like I was self sacrificing my time and performance standing because of a man throwing a temper tantrum. I believed no matter my effort, he was going to destroy it.

I’m angry that the things I created were destroyed during their temper tantrum.

I’m angry that they disrespected me in front of other people.

I’m angry that blame and shame were assigned to me, especially in the workplace.

It leaves me full of hatred for these two men and not wanting to do anything with or for them.

If I refuse to make the birthday cake, or lead the project, I end up looking like the bad guy.

So I’m faced with: Do the things…let their reactions destroy my efforts and disrespect me. Or don’t do the things…and accept the consequences or lost opportunities.

What I want is…do the things. Everyone allows the things to exist, even if they are not happy.