When to allow emotion and when to do thought work?

When do we allow our emotion—like when trying not to buffer—and when do we do thought work to shift to thoughts that create emotions that serve us better?

I know that when we allow an emotion, it can come along for the ride, but it doesn’t control us. Like feeling anxious about giving a speech, but not allowing the anxiety to stop us or paralyze us. Or the urge to buffer with food.

And when we change our thoughts, our original emotion is gone. So if we were angry at our husband because he was late in coming home, we change our thoughts and now we’re feeling understanding.

What questions should we ask ourselves to guide us in knowing when to do which for a circumstance?