When to make a change

Hi Brooke! I think I’ve heard you say that when we stop overdrinking/overeating we might realize our life sucks and we need to make changes in our life. But a lot of this month’s relationship work seems to be about accepting and valuing the relationships we already have in our lives, not making changes. My question is really about how to figure out when to accept/work harder at a relationship and when to make a change. I’ve been working hard on my thoughts around my husband. He’s got so many great qualities – there’s nothing even to dislike about him. Intellectually I want to want him. But in practice I want to keep him at a distance, I don’t even really know why. I’m pretty content when, say, he’s away on business and unsettled and irritable when he’s home. I want to be in a loving relationship and I dream of finding love elsewhere. I love him and feel it would be kinder to him to give him the freedom to be in relationship where his partner cherished him. When do I know when it’s time to make a change rather than keep on trying to change the way I feel? Is this a time to tell the truth? He has just been hurt when I’ve tried to raise it before.