I am grateful for the work we do here, I truly am.
But recently I also noticed that it drives me a bit nuts.
I lost 50 pounds as a scholar and gained 30 pounds back.
Since I went off my protocol a year ago, I have been on and off it for short periods, 4 days, a week, and up to 2 weeks at a time, only to have my first planned exception and be overwhelmed with an over-desire all over again.
When I realized that all that I wrote above are thoughts and so are optional, I realized that there was another issue I might be avoiding and that is what remains after I remove the pleasurable food.
What remained in my life, as I saw it, is emptiness, boredom, frustration, deprivation, a broken relationship I need to work on, a business I need to recommit to.
And that felt stressful to deal with all that, or even of the notion that there’s a lot of boredom in my life after I remove food.
But then I realized that even that is a thought. That it is optional as well. That I could think that my relationship is fabulous. That I am never bored. Or that if I am sitting around with nothing to do, that it’s wonderful and never a problem.
And then I felt I am going a bit nuts from all this thought work.
If every thought can be questioned about every single opinion I hold of every single moment, when will I want to change the reality I live in, if it’s anyway a figment of my imagination and interpretation?
If I can solve for every moment by changing my thought about it, why would I change the moment itself?