Where can I learn more about giving people back their models?

In my coaching call today I brought a model around the topic of my boyfriend’s kids and how we interact. We were running out of time and the coach offered giving back people their models and deciding how I want to show up.

I am still quite confused about how this fits with “want matches” and showing up authentically.
I don’t know how to give someone back their model. I clearly need to study this more deeply and am not sure which lessons to focus on.

If it’s a separate topic, maybe I am also needing to study want matches? Not sure. I know I have a “manual” that I have communicated, checking for want matches. I am getting verbal agreement from boyfriend that he too wants his kids to connect with me. Is it his model to figure this out? What’s my role? Is it mine to decide whether or not to make the lack of connection mean something? I get lost here…

C- I walk into the room and no one turns their head to acknowledge me.
T- I want a connection with my boyfriends kids.
F- frustrated
A- complain to boyfriend, not give all of my love to boyfriend, stop trying to connect with kids
R- no closer connection with kids

C-I make dinner and a kid wears headphones to dinner table.
T- Because kid spends his day in room except for dinner I’ll never have opportunity to connect if he shows up with headphones.
F- frustrated
A- complain to boyfriend, stop cooking dinner and doing nice things for kids, stop going over to boyfriends house, stop trying to connect with kids, think about what like might be like if we break up bc of my frustration with kids behaving as they do to me
R – no closer connnection to his kids, not stronger relationship with boyfriend