Where do we find the motivation or willingness?

So I had an amazing coaching session yesterday about losing weight and trying to find my compelling reason/commitment. I worried I haven’t been able to find a good enough reason in the past to keep me on track. My coach was expert at helping me see how I was coming from a place of deprivation and lack- I’m not happy with myself or my life here so I’ll be happier and give myself permission to have joy then (some future date when I’m thin/healthier/things are easier, etc.). That was incredibly powerful to see that I’m the one limiting myself and not giving myself permission to have that now. It won’t come then, even if I’m thin, if I am the one who is basically holding myself hostage. Illuminating.
But then this got me thinking (so many thoughts). We talked a little about if I was happy with myself now, if I was happy with my life now, why would I be motivated to ever change, or go after goals? We discussed going after things just because we want to, or because it sounds fun or interesting, or maybe we want to see who we might become through the process? All sounds great to me….but then I ate. After 2 weeks of no sugar or flour….I ate sugar and flour last night. I had allowed many urges too, before then, but there was something going on mentally that I can’t quite clear up.
I noticed it today when I was filling out the commitment paperwork from the overeating material in the vault. It asks about willingness to give up food to have freedom from overeating and being overweight. It asks about willingness to live without the escape and buffering that food provides. Am I willing to feel worse before I feel better? Am I willing to continue even when results aren’t fast? Am I willing to embrace not being “normal” in order to not be overweight?
I almost couldn’t answer yes to any of them. Is it just the new sugar and flour in my brain? My brain is now high on insulin and crashing….has decided again that I need sugar and flour or I’ll die? I know that’s happening.
But even before I had the bite of sugar and flour….where do we find the motivation to go through the urges, the feeling worse, the feeling weird or not “normal”, the feeling left out, the discomfort when results are slow? I guess I’m curious….if I don’t hate where I am now, why would I ever be willing to go through that?
Or does losing weight maybe not become the goal? Is it more about what I get to bring into my life? Buy clothes that fit me now, taking zumba and dance classes because I love them/not to lose weight? Saying yes to invitations I might avoid now? Coaching others and helping people, with the body I have now? Will that place of abundance and enjoyment fulfill me more than food? I also know theres soooooo many thoughts right now and that all these thoughts are making me feel less than stellar. It just seems like a lot to clean up right now. Feeling a bit bogged down.
Sorry for the ramble. I’d love to know others compelling reasons to lose weight. Thank you for listening!