Where does this fit in the model?


Someone very close to me (and very important to me) has told me that I don’t appreciate her. From my perspective, we have a very good relationship.

I now understand that she doesn’t feel the same way.

C – She said: “You don’t appreciate me. You make me feel inferior.”
T – I thought we had a great relationship and that I was doing it right.
F – Not good enough. Defeated.
A – Being more aware of how I behave and consciously deciding to accept or reject her standard of what she considers to be “appreciation.”
R – yet to be found.

I am trying to be aware of my thoughts and feelings in this situation. But where I’m getting stuck is what do I do when I thought I was coming off as “appreciative,” but she doesn’t see it that way?

I don’t want to take on her feelings as my responsibility (because they aren’t), but I also don’t want to behave in a way that would hurt someone else (even unconsciously).

The biggest problem I’m facing is that I thought I WAS acting appreciative, but she disagrees. Where do I go from here?

Thank you!