White Knuckle

I’m hanging on grimly to my perfect life. I have everything I want and need, and yet I keep wanting to eat. I stop myself but I can’t face the feeling. My life is amazing. I never believed I could have what I have. I’m scared if I’m conscious and aware, it might be taken from me. I feel terrible. I am scared and bored and lonely all at once. What if I give up my vigilance and I lose everything?